It's the start of a new year and new possibilities. Last year was a total and utter bust. Nothing but death and disappointment. I've decided this year will be different. I will not allow anyone to demoralize or make me feel small. I will not allow anyone to make me feel like I'm doing them a favor or get into a situation where I'm in the "you're a great friend" zone. Because frankly, I have enough friends and am learning that I'm worth something. Those that don't see it or realize what they have are missing out on the best thing.
I've sent a message to the universe that it's time for me to be in a loving mutual relationship where I'm respected and not taken for granted. I've been alone and lonely for far too long and it's getting old just standing on the sidelines while everyone around me has someone to turn to for moral and spiritual support. I've been walking alone for far too long and I fear it's made me hard. It's caused me to lose all faith in humanity and left me to believe that I am supposed to be alone. I don't want to be alone. I don't think I should be alone, and I refuse to live the life of a recluse holed up in her house for fear of letting someone in to crush it.
It won't be easy, I know this. The walls were starting to crumble but were quickly resurrected when the realization that my own hope of what was turned out to be nothing. I just now hope that the universe will send me someone that is willing to restore my trust and belief that I'm not alone and I can depend on someone other than my self for support.
Here's to a better 2012. My intention for the year is to find peace with the past and find support not only from my current friends but find that one special best friend, if not the love of my life. Death and disappointment can leave their calling cards at the door, I'm not taking any visitors today.
