No means NO

It starts out innocently enough… you go to a grocery store, clothing store, shoe store any kind of store really and you know what you want (or maybe you don’t) but when you find what you are looking for you are super doubly special excited because it’s on SALE!  Yippie!  Skipping and happy with yourself for your great find you make it to the cash register, put the item on the table and then it begins….what was once so gleeful, innocent and such a happy shopping experience turns into something that when you exit the establishment you feel like a cheap money hoarding unfeeling uncaring individual.  I’m talking about what I like to call the “want fries with that” speech that you are interrogated with while making your purchase.

Here’s how it usually starts:

Salesperson: “Hello, how are you today”
Me: “Doing fine, and you?
Salesperson: Usually surprised that I returned the question, heck it’s the polite thing to do! “Great, thanks!”
Mid folding….
Salesperson: “Do you have your rewards card with you?”
Me: “N….” (don’t even get a chance to finish the “O”)
Salesperson: “Do you want one”
Me: Politely saying “No thank you”
Salesperson: “ You get 20% off today and if you buy one more item you can get 30%”
Me: “No, that’s fine, i’m good”
Salesperson: “Do you know you can get more rewards if you buy now, we can set you up with a card but you don’t have to use it”
Me: “No, thank you” (using the “smiling no” and getting more assertive)
Salesperson: “With the sav….”
Me: Cutting the person off “NO”

You are stuck there...until your purchase is made and sometimes after saying NO a little too aggressively, you get glares as the sales person says in a very monotonous tone (as opposed to the upbeat tone just a few seconds earlier) "have a nice day".  It doesn’t just happen in retail stores.  You all know it. You’ve experienced it and you’ve probably partaken in some of the extra values but for the most part, it sounds good and may be for a good cause but when you realize that you’ve just signed away more of your life to high credit card rates and that “special deal” was only valid during a certain window (usually between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m.) you find that your wallet is heavier and those extra bills that you didn’t have before seem to be piling up. Or better yet, you give them your info and all of the sudden you are getting twice as many telemarketers, spam emails and knocks on the door from organizations that you’ve never heard of asking you do donate money to help little Johnny realize his dream of becoming an all star baseball boy or the National Association for Underwater Basket Weaving (NAUBW) is in need of more water.  They figure, since you had the money to open up that extra credit card or made a one time donation to help underdeveloped countries read, you would donate to them as well.  And so the vicious cycle continues. 

"NO, I do not want 'fries with that'"

What started out innocently turned into a lesson in patience and understanding that sales people are usually tasked with a quota of how many of these deals they sell.  You don’t want to be rude but after the third time asking and for the third time declining, you begin to wonder if you really ARE a cheapskate but then snap out of it and remember that “No means NO” and what was once a glorious shopping experience has now been made awkward and all you want to do is pay for the item and leave through the nearest exit. 

thankyouthankyouthankyou...did I say thankyou?

My mother always told me to say please & thank you.  In fact, thank you cards were an expected birthday & Christmas present so that there were no excuses as to why I didn’t write grandma and thank her for the wonderful gift and it was so nice to think of me and I am doing well and how are you?  If I were a smart kid, I would’ve just pre-printed something out and stuck it to the back of cards and be done with it. Now, thank you cards are rare, at least I think they are.  People these days are so busy moving onto the next thing that they forget the fundamental politeness and will send a quick email or text “thanks for the gift”. I know this because I’m guilty of doing it myself, it depends on how far up or down you are on my “how well do I really know you” scale. However, I always try to say thank you, no matter how small because there are times that I worry that there are little spies out and will report back to my mother that I didn’t say or send a thank you card.

As strict as my mother was about making sure I send out those thank you cards, once I did it was done, the person was thanked and there was no more follow up needed.  But when does saying thank you or showing gratitude become too much?  Is there such a thing as too much gratitude? I don’t mean in the “thanks for holding the door for me” or “thank you, have a nice day after leaving an establishment” kind of way.  I’m talking about a deeper level.  Not that those aren’t deep, they are, just not as deep as what I’m trying to relay to you in this piece.  Gratitude in and of itself is the appreciation of kindness and willingness to return the same.

What are the benefits of showing gratitude? 

Showing gratitude lets whomever is giving you knowledge you didn’t previously have know that you are a serious about taking in that information and have taken what they shared to heart.  In other words, they aren't just standing or sitting around and spitting out facts and knowledge for nothing. When expressing gratitude you feel lighter in body mind and spirit.  When you start to show gratitude, you are lifting those dark feelings and thoughts that had plagued you.  You start to experience more positive things in your life, your thinking is more positive and even your attitude about daily activities that may not be so fun improve.

But when does showing gratitude start to lose its meaning and power?

So remember those thank you cards and how they were a staple?  Once a person was thanked it was done.  I could go about my business and not have to worry about if I thanked someone.  So, when is it too much to thank someone for every single thing that they do?  Is it necessary?  I don’t mean this question in a snarky or ungrateful tone, but once you’ve thanked someone for his or her help or guidance do you need to thank him or her again for the same thing over and over? 

I recently finished an intense 2 ½ year program and throughout my time in the program gratitude was given to the teaches on several occasions.  But this last time I flat out refused to participate.  On the last day of my last class we presented the teachers with gifts as a thank you for their time, wisdom and guidance as we, as a class, slogged through the program.  A card was sent around throughout the week and we all signed it with a personal note (there’s my thank you card) and these gifts were presented at the end of class.  It was lovely.  But a few days later, I received an email from a fellow classmate asking for money for a gift for the teachers.  Wait, didn’t we just give them a gift?  The explanation given to me was not only sent in such a way that I looked like an ungrateful buffoon but the reasoning behind it was so far fetched and out there I just couldn’t participate.  She responded , and I paraphrase, “yes, but that was from our class, this is from the entire school”  Sooooo we are giving a gift to the same people from the school?  From people who didn’t even go to the class?  From people who have already graduated?  To people we’ve already thanked MULTIPLE TIMES? I didn’t get it nor was I going to buy into this melarky.  And I didn’t.  If they don’t know how grateful I am by now, all of my previous “thank you” gifts, cards and whatnot were gone un noticed and completely defeats the purpose of showing gratitude.   If you ask me, I should have gotten a thank you card for sending a thank you card.