To Help or Not To Help

There's a lot of emphasis on being "NICE" and
"HELPFUL" these days but when it comes to asking for help, I'm the worst. I prefer to seek out answers or solutions to problems on my own and when (and only when) do I run into a snagg do I ask for a little direction. I don't ask for anyone to solve my problem for me, I just need to be pointed in the right direction and given a little shove. I've noticed more and more these days, and especially in adults my age, when they ask for help what they really mean is "you do it for me because I'm too lazy to figure it out on my own". This attitude doesn't bode well with me and my usual response to this is "I'll show you where to go but I'm not going to do it for you".

In college, I had a commute buddy. We would drive from Santa Rosa to San Rafael a few times a week. We were in the same major so we had the majority of our classes at the same time. We commuted pretty much everyday until one morning on our way to school he had forgotten to finish an assignment. I had already finished said assignment, turned it in, and gotten it back. He asked me to give him my work, he would "tweak" it and turn it in as his own...UMMMMMMM NO, was my answer.

"She'll never know"
"I'll know"
"Oh, comeon, I thought you were cool"
"I thought you were SMART"

Ever since that day, his attitude towards me changed and he really didn't talk to me anymore. I'm not surprised. He ended up dropping out citing finances but in all honesty, I think he just couldn't cut it. He was a nice guy, a great writer, but still a little stupid and you know, you can't fix that.

So why is it when people don't like your response to them asking for help they suddenly excommunicate you from their life or worse, go to someone else and sing their praises for "helping" them. When infact, they weren't being helped at all they were being coddled. Take a little initative, do the grunt work, and try to figure it out on your own. What is so bad about that.

Do I care if I'm not being nice? I think there is a fine line between pointing someone in the right direction and letting them finish the job on their own rather than doing it for them. The person asking for help will never understand what you did nor will they be able to replicate your methodology of "helping". I think by doing the work for someone or just givng the answer to them without any expalaination is a huge diservce.

I've tried the "Being Nice" route and it got me labeled as the pushover and taken for granted. I'm learning to stand up for myself so am I being a bitch, no, not in my opinion.